Tomorrow I go back to high school as school staff instead of student. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m way less confident than I was as an actual high-schooler.
So I started thinking about the difference. The stakes are a little different and I’m the “new girl” in a way I never was in school, but I don’t think either of things things account for the lack of confidence. Truthfully, I’ve let life wear on me and when I look at my self (externally and internally), I see the way I’ve let things weigh on me. I see things I’m carrying around that I don’t need, that aren’t mine, that aren’t worthy or useful or necessary or good. I see the room they take up and take away from better things.
I see an opportunity to lay those things down and move forward without them.
It’s taken me over a year to really detox from the daily stress and negativity and overwhelm associated with the previous 7 years of my life and work (though there were plenty of good things in the midst of that and maybe it was really the last 3-4 years that really did me in). There are still moments I fall back into those toxic places and patterns but it’s so much better than it used to be. And I guess that’s given me space to see myself a little more and see that I’m still heavy with things I need to let go.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new job, a new mercy.
Here’s to that.